Recently I have subtly been fighting the funk (although if you ask Huge it probably hasn’t been so subtle because the poor guy has been getting the brunt of it). Things at work aren’t the greatest and I just feel like my life is a mess (in a disorganized kind of way). Work is "messy", my house is "messy" (although that one probably doesn’t need quotes, it actually IS a mess) and therefore my life seems messy. Nothing is actually wrong, it’s just been little things that have been building up and causing me to stress and feel out of balance.
For those of you that know me, I’m not one to stress about things. One of my strong suits (in my opinion) is my ability to stay pretty level headed and pragmatic, but somehow this snuck up on me and it all came to a head last night. I was in a BAD mood –I was stuck at work later than I wanted to be (again), I felt like I was not getting what I need to be getting done at work but I am also unwilling to work 12 hour days and my frustration level hit its peak. I ended up yelling at poor Huge and I realized that something has to give. Part of the problem is that I’m still trying to find that work/life balance. I thought I would be better at it by now, but I have to realize that I’ve only been back to work for 4 months and I need to cut myself some slack. I also need to find a way to make work more manageable because, like I said before, I’m not willing to work 12+ hour days and to be honest, I would love a 9-5, but I’ll settle for a 9-10 hour day and maybe I just need to manage my expectations more.
On top of the stress of work, I’m also subconsciously stressed about the upcoming year. As excited as I am for Huge’s new venture, it also scares me. I’ve always been the "bread winner" in our relationship and although I am more than happy to relinquish that title (anytime now), I’m ok with it. But with Huge starting his own business, it makes my responsibility that much greater (and if you refer to what I said earlier, that area of my life isn’t going the smoothest). So I think we just need to get on the same page about what our plans are (financially) for the upcoming year and how he envisions his schedule to be. I’ve never been real co-dependent on Huge, probably due to our extended long-distance relationship, but I do enjoy spending time with him and would love to have some family time. So although the traveling aspect of his job doesn’t bother me too much, I’m worried about the time he’ll be spending on projects while he’s home now that he won’t have regular business hours.
I realize that there are a lot of variables that I can’t control now and instead need to focus on those aspects I can. I need to find more balance in my life and to declutter the mess and the best way to do that is to make a plan of attack, and a list! (I love lists.) First, I need to figure out some time to exercise. I haven’t done hot yoga in a long time, but I remember how much I loved it. It was hard, but after class I always remember how I felt detoxed, relaxed and accomplished. There’s a studio near the house that does evening classes at either 7:30 or 8:30 and if I can commit to going once a week, I think that will do a lot in terms of getting my balance back. I also should get back to running, but I think for now I’m just going to commit to a once weekly yoga class. Second, I made a date with Huge to sit down and make a plan in regards to our finances and our plan for next year. And then finally, I’m going to get into the Christmas spirit. I love the holidays and all the hoopla that surrounds them (the lights, the music, the food, family/friends, etc) and for some reason I haven’t embraced it this year. But, I’m going to. We have plans to decorate on Sunday and we put together a last minute Christmas Open House… so gosh darn it, I’m going to get in the holiday spirit!
Now I’ve acknowledged the funk and made a plan to fight it, I already feel a thousand times better. Now if only those knots in my neck and back would disappear as well… I should take a page out of this kid's book. Look how relaxed he is –he fell asleep on the swing!