Oh hey!

Oh hey everyone! (or anyone? hm...) Look at what I found? The password to my account! The beauty of the internet is that it never dies!

Yesterday was my 39th birthday, which I always thought would be/feel like a big deal. And (not) surprisingly, it wasn't. But next year is 40... so woo hoo!

Huge and I went to Smyth for dinner and it was amazing and beautiful! A fun way to kick of the year.

Fighting the funk...

Recently I have subtly been fighting the funk (although if you ask Huge it probably hasn’t been so subtle because the poor guy has been getting the brunt of it). Things at work aren’t the greatest and I just feel like my life is a mess (in a disorganized kind of way). Work is "messy", my house is "messy" (although that one probably doesn’t need quotes, it actually IS a mess) and therefore my life seems messy. Nothing is actually wrong, it’s just been little things that have been building up and causing me to stress and feel out of balance.

For those of you that know me, I’m not one to stress about things. One of my strong suits (in my opinion) is my ability to stay pretty level headed and pragmatic, but somehow this snuck up on me and it all came to a head last night. I was in a BAD mood –I was stuck at work later than I wanted to be (again), I felt like I was not getting what I need to be getting done at work but I am also unwilling to work 12 hour days and my frustration level hit its peak. I ended up yelling at poor Huge and I realized that something has to give. Part of the problem is that I’m still trying to find that work/life balance. I thought I would be better at it by now, but I have to realize that I’ve only been back to work for 4 months and I need to cut myself some slack. I also need to find a way to make work more manageable because, like I said before, I’m not willing to work 12+ hour days and to be honest, I would love a 9-5, but I’ll settle for a 9-10 hour day and maybe I just need to manage my expectations more.

On top of the stress of work, I’m also subconsciously stressed about the upcoming year. As excited as I am for Huge’s new venture, it also scares me. I’ve always been the "bread winner" in our relationship and although I am more than happy to relinquish that title (anytime now), I’m ok with it. But with Huge starting his own business, it makes my responsibility that much greater (and if you refer to what I said earlier, that area of my life isn’t going the smoothest). So I think we just need to get on the same page about what our plans are (financially) for the upcoming year and how he envisions his schedule to be. I’ve never been real co-dependent on Huge, probably due to our extended long-distance relationship, but I do enjoy spending time with him and would love to have some family time. So although the traveling aspect of his job doesn’t bother me too much, I’m worried about the time he’ll be spending on projects while he’s home now that he won’t have regular business hours.

I realize that there are a lot of variables that I can’t control now and instead need to focus on those aspects I can. I need to find more balance in my life and to declutter the mess and the best way to do that is to make a plan of attack, and a list! (I love lists.) First, I need to figure out some time to exercise. I haven’t done hot yoga in a long time, but I remember how much I loved it. It was hard, but after class I always remember how I felt detoxed, relaxed and accomplished. There’s a studio near the house that does evening classes at either 7:30 or 8:30 and if I can commit to going once a week, I think that will do a lot in terms of getting my balance back. I also should get back to running, but I think for now I’m just going to commit to a once weekly yoga class. Second, I made a date with Huge to sit down and make a plan in regards to our finances and our plan for next year. And then finally, I’m going to get into the Christmas spirit. I love the holidays and all the hoopla that surrounds them (the lights, the music, the food, family/friends, etc) and for some reason I haven’t embraced it this year. But, I’m going to. We have plans to decorate on Sunday and we put together a last minute Christmas Open House… so gosh darn it, I’m going to get in the holiday spirit!

Now I’ve acknowledged the funk and made a plan to fight it, I already feel a thousand times better. Now if only those knots in my neck and back would disappear as well… I should take a page out of this kid's book. Look how relaxed he is –he fell asleep on the swing!

Sobering Realization

I hesitated to write this post because I'm embarrassed by what happened to prompt this topic, but then if I didn't write, this would be disingenuous and not a true reflection of what's going on. I guess that's why they say that history is written by the victors -they can determine what to document and what to exclude. Anyway, that is a very long winded introduction to what has been on my mind today, which is a bit more serious than most posts I type out here.


Without going into too many (embarrassing) details, I went to a daytime wine event that turned into a drink-fest and I over indulged (to say the least). Before anyone calls DSS on me, Callan was well cared for under the watchful eye of a babysitter and I was not doing this over indulging while caring for him. But, I was over zealous to say the least and definitely not in any condition to care for my child (if I had to) and the sobering realization I had today was that how massively irresponsible that was of me. It's embarrassing enough to be a 30-something-year-old out drunk, but now that I'm a mom, more importantly Callan's mom, that is just unacceptable. I realize this and the more I think about it, the more embarrassed I get about it. What if something had happened to the babysitter and I had to go home or what if something happened to Huge and I had to be in charge after the event... there was no way that would have been possible. 


There was an article I read recently on jezebel.com and the author was commenting that a baby is supposed to cramp your style, but "Facebook photos of friends and acquaintances began to confirm what we'd suspected was happening to everyone but us: People with babies were getting on with their lives immediately". She talks about her isolation and confinement but, "if we were looking for other friends with babies to commiserate with our newfound hermitage, they were too busy on vacations overseas, out seeing new movies or taking their baby to Bonnaroo to be around for a quick chat."


I know we lucked out and Callan is a very easy baby and because of that we've been able to take him out and about with us, altering his schedule a little bit in order to accomplish whatever we have on tap for that day. I've prided myself on the fact that we take Callan out with us and our lives haven't changed too drastically since his arrival. Granted we don't go out as much as we used to, but at the age of 6 months, Callan has been to many, many restaurants, on multiple plane rides and to concerts in the park, but now I'm thinking maybe I'm doing this wrong... maybe I'm still clinging on to my former life a little bit -one that was childless and carefree and just cramming Callan into it? I don't know. I know I'm over thinking this and I should just chalk up yesterday to a lesson learned, no harm no foul... but for some reason I'm taking this one a bit rougher and it's making me think a bit harder. Maybe it's the realization that there is no "off duty" time when you become a parent... I've always said that I can handle the baby and toddler stage, but what freaks me out is thinking of being the parent to a teenager, but I certainly will be. I guess at that point I'll have many years of parenting experience under my belt and will be better equipped to handle it, but sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm an adult and now I'm responsible for another little human. I sometimes joke with Huge when our house is a disaster with laundry everywhere and dust you can see with the naked eye, that we need to start living like adults, but I wonder when do you feel like an adult? I can live with the fact that my life has changed and honestly, I wouldn't want to go back to my "old" life anyway -not when I have this:

When September ends.

Today is the last day of the month and I successfully completed my September challenge. In an effort to get some of my junky eating under control, I decided not to eat any cookies in September. Now before you go applauding me for reaching my goal, I need to point out that I wrote COOKIES, not cake, not sweets, not dessert... it was a very specific thing* that I cut out. But I'm not going to lie, it was sometimes tough as I developed quite a sweet tooth while pregnant and the cookies at work are abundant and delicious. So now my question is, what should I do for October? I'm planning on making an honest effort to last the last few lbs and I'm going to start working out a few days a week (starting Monday) with a friend... .so should I cut something else out? Or just let my working out be the challenge for October?

*Obviously I don't like to set my goals too high. Or make too many changes.**
**Again, remind me of this when I complain about how long it's taking me to lose the weight.

In other (non-related) news. It's almost October! How did that happen? The time is just flying by and I can't handle it. I saw my first Christmas decoration at the store this week... that seems a little early to me. This is the first year we won't be travelling for Christmas so I'm going to have to do something great or start some fantastic tradition this year (although, let's be honest, Callan isn't going to remember so if it doesn't work out this year, we can just switch it next year).

This past weekend we had Callan's christening. We had both sets of grandparents and aunts/uncles in town. It was great to see everyone, but it made for a hectic couple of days as everyone tried to squish as much Callan time in as possible. Callan was such a trooper and put up with everyone and did pretty well even though he was off of his schedule. This is one of my favorite pictures from the baptism. His christening gown was made by a family friend of my mom's and was gorgeous (albeit very ornate). Callan was not in the best mood at this point as he had missed a nap and was probably a bit hungry and hot so his expression in the picture is priceless.



He was in a much better mood after he changed back into his regular clothes and it was nice to take some family pictures. (Huge's family)

 (my family)


And in even more unrelated news, it was confirmed by our families that Callan is the best (and cutest). Although I do think that we may have a bit of a biased pool of judges... hm... there may be grounds for a recount.

Changing seasons

I'm not quite ready for Fall to be here. Don't get me wrong, Fall is one of my favorite seasons. I love the weather when it's cool, but not frigid, I love wearing jeans and sweaters and I love all things associated with fall: apples, pumpkins, leaves turning color etc. But this year Fall has come too fast. Callan was a Spring baby born in April and somehow we sped through Spring, Summer and now it's Fall, which means Winter (and the holidays) are just around the corner. I'm not ready! And from the looks of it, neither is Callan. Looks like mama's got to do some shopping for little bubs.

*fat man in a little coat*

As most people know, I read a lot of blogs and even before I was pregnant or had a baby, a great majority of them are "mommy blogs". Even without the weather changing in Chicago, it was easy to track the changing seasons as many of these blogs started "back to school/beginning of school" posts.  It's been interesting to read these posts especially now as a mother and it makes me think about Callan starting school. I know I still have a few years, but with the way CPS works and our desire to put Callan in public school, we've got to start thinking about it sooner rather than later (and yes, I realize that I have a bit of the craz-ee too and that my child is not even 5 months old and I'm already thinking about what's going to happen when he's 5 years old. I just like to think it's called being prepared.). Chicago is definitely not as competitive as NY, but it's not as easy as where I grew up where you just went to the neighborhood school -I definitely see the allure of the suburbs when it comes to school. Anyway, it's hard to imagine Callan starting school, but just as quickly as the seasons have changed this year, I know it's only going to go faster. With every development that I savor and applaud, a little piece of me cringes too because it means Callan's less of an infant who's world revolves around me (and Huge) and getting closer to becoming an independent little boy that I'll be sending off at school. Everyone always tells you when you're pregnant to enjoy every minute before your baby is born because your life will change forever. And then once the baby is born people tell you to enjoy every moment because it goes by so quickly, but no one has yet told me how to make time slow down to let me enjoy every moment because I have to tell you, this sure is going by quick and I'm not such a fan.

*Don't let him fool you. He may look young, but he reads at a sophomore level.*

Mini reunion

This past weekend was full of excitement as 3 of my best friends from university college (I have to use the colloquial term college even though to all of them it was university) came to visit . Anyway, this was the first time I had seen them since Kevin's wedding last September. As much as things have changed, things have remained the same. The obvious difference was that Callan tagged along to most of our events, but even with all the time and distance that seperates us, we can get back together for the weekend and pick up on the same jokes and fall back into an easy banter that is as comfortable as your favorite sweatshirt. It was the first time that 2 of them had been to Chicago so we tried to do as much of the touristy things as possible without going overboard on all the sightseeing. Of course part of our weekend revolved around the Chicago night life and again, I ask myself, when will I learn? I asked myself this same question last June and shockingly since then, I have not gotten any younger... and I can stay out until 4 am, but I can't be counted on to function too well the following day. It doesn't help that I don't have the luxury of sleeping in past 10 am like some of the others on the trip did.

Anyway, we had a good time and we realized that we need to do this every year no matter where we are. And it'll be interesting to see how the group expands as people get married and have kids. So for the rest of the McGill crew, be warned. We're doing this again next year in Montreal (to celebrate 10 years! Yikes, when did we get old) and we expect you to attend!

The crew on the water taxi on our way to China town.

Seriously, boys with babies. How cute?!?

This picture was taken after I finally got a seat on the bus. As an fyi to all of you, if you see a lady (or man) holding a baby on the bus, you should offer them your seat. We got on to a fairly crowded bus so we folded up our stroller and took Callan out. But all the seats were taken so I was stuck standing holding on while also holding Callan. It's a good thing he's such a chill baby... otherwise it could have been a disaster.

Important question

We interrupt the steady steam of mushiness and cuteness that has taken over the blog to ask a serious question. Say it's about noon when you realize your underwear is on inside out. What do you do?
A) Continue to do so even though it's weird and hope today is not the day you get rushed to the hospital (because you know that they would just assume you're wearing them inside out because they're dirty)?
B) Put them on correctly even though you've spent half a day wearing them like that? Or
C) obsess about it and ask the Internet? And wonder if you're making the right choice?
I mean not that this happened (or happens) to me. I was just wondering... for a friend... Yup, a friend.

Three Years

Three years ago I married the man I love and (to be super cliche) my best friend. What I didn't know then was how much my love would grow, especially seeing him as a father. I may be a very lucky girl having someone like Huge as a husband, but I feel even luckier knowing my kids will have a father like him. Happy Anniversary!