Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Nervous and Anxious

I’m nervous and anxious –two things I usually am not. Tomorrow if my first ultrasound appointment –I’m hoping this is the day that will confirm I am pregnant with an appropriately sized and appropriately developed baby. I guess technically it’s not a baby yet… but to me, it is. I have known now for almost 2 weeks and it has been killing me not to tell anyone. I haven’t even told my parents… but I don’t think I can handle having to take back the news (again). So I’ve been alluding to the fact that I might be pregnant and that “I’m waiting to find out” –which, really just means, I’m waiting to find out if it sticks and if it’s actually going to happen this time. It has been a tough two weeks… I drink socially (a lot) and am never one to turn down a drink, so to sop drinking is definitely a huge indicator of what’s going on. I know that my friends know, but are too polite to say anything. I’m hoping tomorrow will confirm everything and then I can start telling people (including my parents!), but until then Huge and I will just have to keep this a secret.

This weekend is Huge’s brother’s wedding –so I don’t want to break the news to his family before the wedding. I’m thinking after will be more appropriate, but again, I’m sure people are going to wonder when I’m not partaking in the open bar! Sigh, I should have given up drinking a long time ago so that my cover story would be more feasible!

Thursday, August 19, 2010


I'm bored. I should be working, but am feeling unmotivated... Sigh.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Beginning Again

Today is the day I have been waiting for, after 3 long agonizing months where I was so focused and obsessed about it that I was driving myself crazy, finally the day has arrived. After all the negative tests when I finally got confirmation, I feel guilty that my first reaction wasn’t all over the moon job, but instead I was more, ok, but let’s see what the doctor says and let’s see what happens… The problem is that I’ve technically been here before. I’ve peed on the sticks and watched the two lines appear or the magical words “pregnant” appear, I’ve gone through the blood draws so I’m an old pro at this… the only problem is that I’ve never been past this point. The excitement and feeling of “oh my gawd, what the f” has already happened and that sweet innocence of finding out you’re pregnant for the first time has already been tainted for me. I KNOW that I can’t complain… I have friends/family who are struggling w/ infertility and have never felt that joy of peeing on a stick and finding out their whole world is about to change… and I KNOW that in the grand scheme of things, we (Huge and I) are in a good place… I KNOW that… I really do. But, I still need to confirmation that everything is going to be ok, that this baby and we are going to be ok. .I feel like I’m being a little self-indulgent with this mini-pity party I’m throwing myself, but I’d like to just think that I’m being cautious.

BUT, I don’t want to taint this experience because of the heartache and hopelessness I experienced after my first…. I want this to be my first and to enjoy and relish and remember the whole experience. So this is it –the beginning, which deserves it’s own announcement. I am pregnant!

Monday, August 9, 2010

July recap.

Already a week and a half into August and I haven’t even posted my July recap! Jeez… I am way behind.

Let’s see… July was full of family fun. It kicked off with a visit from my parents for the 4th of July weekend. It is always great seeing my parents and they are such easy houseguests as they are able to entertain themselves and don’t require a lot of hand holding by moi! They have been coming out 1ce or 2ce a year since I moved, and I am hoping they continue that tradition. We used their visit as a good excuse to eat at Tompalabampo. This is Ricky Bayless’ upscale restaurant and although pretty pricey, I felt it was really worth it. My mom, dad and I got the White House tasting menu (the menu Chef Bayless served at the Whitehouse for the state dinner w/ the Mexican president), and Huge got the adventurer’s tasting menu (of course). All the food, flavors and sauces were excellent and definitely a restaurant worth going to if you can get a reservation (We had to book our table over a month out and we ate during the week!) and a little extra cash!

4th of July is one of my favorite holidays because of my LOVE of fireworks snd our apartment is a great place to be on the 4th. We have a western view what is pretty unobstructed, so we can see all the fireworks displays from the western neighborhoods and suburbs and all the way south by the United Center and north to Logan Square. I am not exaggerating when I say that we watched a continuous stream of fireworks for hours! We had some friends over including our friends’ daughter who is 3 and we had a ball watching all the fireworks. It was also fun having a little one hanging out with us –she is a total doll and after a warming up period made friends with everyone there. It’s funny how someone so small captivates so much attention.

Later in the month my brother and sister-in-law came for a visit with their two nieces. I’m not sure if my brother and his wife are crazy, or just the best uncle/aunt ever, but they took the girls on a two week road trip to Montreal, Toronto, Niagra Falls and then to Chicago. It was nice to see them and hang out, but because they came during the week I didn’t get to spend as much time with them. I think they had a good time and the girls were very well behaved, so although it was a full house, it was still fun for everyone.

What else… July also was the month where I finally bought a bike! I haven’t done a ton of biking, and definitely haven’t gone very far on it, but so far have really enjoyed it. It’s been nice to explore a little bit of the city and to get from point A to point B much faster than if I was walking! This is also the summer of Huge being away… he was out of town weekends in July and August is no better. So I think that’s it. I can’t believe it’s August and that the summer is almost over. The next few weeks are going to be very busy w/ Huge’s birthday dinner and then a trip to Montreal at the end of the month for Huge’s brother’s wedding. It’s going to be a fun month and hopefully doesn’t go by too fast!