Thursday, July 7, 2011

The stand off

In the two and a half months of Callan's existence, he has been a super easy baby and has made it really easy to transition to being a mom. It often makes me feel bad because I can't relate to friends who ask me about sleepless nights, frustrations or how I deal with crying inconsolable fits because as a whole, Callan hasn't been like that. I would like to take all the credit for this and point to my fabulous parenting skills, but in reality it's only partly that (ha, I had to give myself some credit!) and mostly just a whole lot of luck. From the start Callan has been an easy laid back baby -he sleeps pretty well, he's happy and content and really only cries when he's hungry or a bit over tired and even then, most of the time he'll just fuss. He's not prone to that baby wailing cry that you sometimes hear.

However, the one thing he is not happy about right now is taking a bottle. This is mind boggling to me as the kid likes to eat (as evidenced by the fact that one of the few times he's fussy is when he's hungry) and for almost half of his life he took a bottle exclusively. But, when we started nursing, we dropped the bottle to ensure we got into a good nursing rhythm and assumed that since he already had so much practice (and success) with a bottle that it would be easy to transition him back and forth. That has not been the case and we are now on day 13 of Operation Reintroduction to the bottle, and right now we are at a stand off (although, technically, I think Callan is winning). This is uber frustrating to me as we have not been able to go out to dinner alone together (unless we go after he's in bed) and have had to either cancel or turn down plans at night. Now I know some crazies (yes, I'm calling them that) are going to chastise me for complaining about wanting time away from my child and that this is just a small sacrafice to make for the health and well-being of my baby, and to be fair I'm not dying to get away from him at all -I would just like the freedom to be able to, if I want. It makes me wonder why I was pushing to get him to nurse in the first place. We had a good system going -I was pumping and Callan was happily drinking bottles offered by anyone and they were of breast milk so he was getting all the good things people tout about breast milk. I wonder if I succumbed to the peer pressure of the internet that told me nursing was the best way to bond with my child, to ensure he was getting everything he needed both nutritionally and emotionally and how nursing would give me the freedom to go wherever I wanted with him since food was always available via the boob. Now I wonder if that's true and if nursing really is any easier. At first when Callan was still waking up a few times a night, it was easier nursing than getting up to give him a bottle and pump (or even if Huge gave him a bottle I usually had to get up and pump) and it is nicer/easier not to have to wash so many bottle and pump parts every day. But not being able to leave him or having to whip out the boob at a restaurant or in public makes bottle feeding seem easier. I don't know... I guess there's no "right" answer to this and just proves once again that you do the best you can and to leave the opinions from the crazies on the internet!

At the end of the day, in the grand scheme of things, this time is just a drop in the bucket and whatever "sacrifices" I need to make are worth it, because honestly, look at this face... how can you be mad?

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