Today Callan turned 15 weeks old and every day seems to bring something new. Giving birth seems like a lifetime ago and being pregnant seems even further away. I figure I needed to do a brain dump of things, before I forget about pregnancy and the first few weeks. Things that in and of themselves aren't super memorable, but will be a good point of reference for the next time...
1. Going back to work hasn't been as hard as everyone claimed it to be. Although I enjoy my job, it's not my life and it makes me appreciate the time I have with Callan even more. But let's be honest, if I could quit, I would -if only I wasn't the breadwinner! haha. I need to start playing the lottery.
2. Breastfeeding was hard. Getting Callan to latch properly was the hardest and most painful thing I experienced. Yes, that even includes giving birth (but to be fair, I had a pretty easy birth experience). The second most painful thing also relates to the bewbs and that is the pain of engorgement. No one tells you what that's going to feel like and lucky me, I got to experience it twice. Once when my milk came in and then when I stopped pumping and started nursing again. I feel fortunate that I have a fantastic supply, but that blessing comes with it's own set of curses. Looking back I kind of felt like I gave up too quickly and I wish I had stuck it out a little bit longer because I wonder if some of the problems we face would have worked themselves out sooner. In the end I'm glad I gave it another try since nursing has been great, although sometimes I'm not sure it's necessarily all it's cracked up to be. People claim that it's this blissful, bonding experience between mother and child and I'm just not getting it. I do love nursing and fought hard to do it and will be sad to (eventually) stop, but in certain situations I think how much easier it would be to feed him a bottle. This brings me to my next point...
3. Bottle feeding is hard too! But in different ways than breastfeeding. Callan has shown his stubborn streak and caused a bit of anxiety over his lack of affection for the bottle. I wrote about the standoff with the bottle and now nearly a month later, it's still touch and go. We've gone from hysterical crying when attempting to give the bottle to something more akin to playful refusal. Adelia has had some success, but Callan will often go days only drinking a few ounces while I'm at work. Thankfully he's still happy and playful, but it does make the nights a little bit longer because he's waking up to eat rather than sleeping through the night.
4. Breastfeeding is a miracle weight loss tool. I have lost nearly all of the 53 pounds I gained while pregnant (I'm within 15 lbs) and after 3 months being able to fit into almost all of my clothes is nothing short of miraculous. We'll see how long it takes me to take off the last 15 lbs as I've read that sometimes it sticks around until people stop breastfeeding, but to be honest I think it's going to take me stopping my 3 cookies a day habit before I get back to pre-preg weight.
5. While breastfeeding may be a miracle weight loss tool, it is not the birth control people may think it is -No wonder there are so many Irish twins out there! I was hoping to go another year without the monthly "visitor", but after 12 weeks, it came back (boo). Even though I am exclusively breastfeeding, I guess it's common for the visitor to return after the baby starts sleeping through the night. As disappointing as this has been, it seems like a pretty small trade off to have you sleep through the night.
6. Speaking of which, Callan is a champion sleeper. The fact that he regularly sleeps through the night and sometimes need to be woken up in the morning is amazing to me. It makes me wonder what's going to happen in the teenage years and whether he'll ever see daylight, but considering his dad likes sleeping in, this shouldn't be too shocking.
7. I sometimes think about my miscarriage from last year and what that baby would have been like and at time think about how old he/she would have been. But as sad as I am about that, I can't imagine not having Callan... he clearly is the baby that was meant for us.
8. Callan may have already ruined his sibling's lives. I can't imagine the next baby being as easy as Callan and figure we will pay for it by having either a terrible next baby or a terrible toddler...
9. I also feel bad for any future siblings because I can't imagine the outpouring of love and affection for them will be any match to what Callan has received. I think there's always a special place in everyone's hearts for the first and Callan is definitely the child/grandchild that everyone had been waiting for.
10. I've run out of things, but I wanted to end on a nice round number. Oh, maybe I'll talk about pregnancy and a reminder that next time I really shouldn't gain 50 lbs!
Wow, that turned out to be much longer than I expected. I guess if you've made it this far you deserve a picture. This is from Adelia yesterday of Callan and Luke. They are going to be best friends and either a pair of heartbreakers or trouble makers... I'm still undecided.